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Monday, November 29, 2010

Hey! You! Get Out of My Way! Part 14 Enter the 9th Circle

“I want to tell you one of my favorite stories” Scott says turning my face to his “Now that were new friends”.  “Hello, Miss Thing,” Dennis yells moving in right behind me.  I mentally check to see where my wallet is. 
“I once had this roommate who was a 300 pound tacky black drag queen named Laronda,” says Scott getting an evil look in his eye. “Anyway, she comes to me one day and I tell her that I need a favor.” Dennis behind me snickers. “So, I tell her that my father is sending me money Western Union and I can’t pick it up,” Scott looks around me at Dennis and they both begin laughing. “So, Laronda says that she will pick the money up for me.”  “Delicious, just delicious” says Dennis twirling the back of my hair with his index finger.
“The day arrives and I send Laronda to Western Union.” Scott pauses and looks straight into my eyes.  “Oh, did I tell you that Laronda was illiterate?” Dennis is giggling louder “She can’t read or write a word.” “So I tell Laronda that she needs to hand the teller this note to get the money.”
“Tell him what the note says, tell him what the note says,” blurts Dennis tugging on my sleeve.  “The notes says, my name is Laronda, gorilla woman, give me all your money, I have a gun!”
With this Dennis and Scott fall off the stool and begin rolling in laughter.  They are falling all over themselves. “The cops……the cops…….the cops took her away!” Dennis and Scott can barely breathe and are slapping and clinging to each other.
“Can you imagine the look on that tellers face when a 300 pound tacky drag queen with crooked stockings handed her that note?”  says Scott now red in the face from laughing.  They continue laughing and slowly climb back onto their bar stools.  I feel as if my mouth is hanging open.  Don’t get me wrong it took years for me to laugh at that story, ok weeks.  If that story is true, what are these two truly capable of?
An old man squeezes between me and Scott; he is listing from side to side.  Scott bounces him like a pinball. Then Scott looks around me at Dennis and whispers loudly “Oh look, fresh fish!”  It’s about this time that I remember that I am at work.  I have very little money in my pocket and I am not here for a picnic.
“Hey guys I have to get going.”  Scott and Dennis are no longer looking at me and have moved on to greener pastures.  Scott is pressed up to the guy from the front and Dennis has his hand on the guys back pocket encasing his wallet.
I jump off the stool and head back to the stairs via Bob.  He hasn’t taken his eyes off me and has a smile on his face.  He is softly laughing and shaking his head side to side.  I point to the stairs and tell him “To come up and see me sometime.”
Slowly climbing the stairs I am suddenly overwhelmed.  I am aware that I am in a den of prostitutes, thieves, cut throats, drunks, drug addicts and probably killers but I have to tell you, I am having the time of my life.  Oh sure, I am fresh of the Turnip truck from up upstate New York but I’m not that naïve, or at least I don’t think I am.
I walk back into the bar and Don immediately sees me.  I push through the crowd.  The jukebox is playing Joan Jett for the 50th time that night.  Funny enough it’s “I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation.”  It’s somehow very fitting at this moment.
To be continued…………………..

Geoffrey Doig-Marx holds all written and electronic rights to his writting "A Day in the Life". It can not be reprinted in part or whole without his written consent.

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