My shift at Denny’s brings with it all the human misery that
can blow in the door. You want to see a side of the world you only need to see
once? Work the graveyard shift at a Denny’s.
I am amazed. I have seen it all in the booths and counter
seating at America’s favorite place. I have witnessed pregnant teens, (12 years
old) smoking cigarettes show up at Denny’s after boozing it up at a party. Not
just once but several times. We joked that it was rampant and must be something
in the water.
“I guess it’s just what a pregnant teen mother smoking
cigarettes craves in the middle of the night. She craves, Moons over my Hammy!”
I have had to watch the teen-age boyfriend pull together
whatever pennies he has to pay the bill, before stumbling out, climbing in a
car and peeling out of the parking lot with his drunk pregnant girlfriend by
his side.
I have had a grandmother (in her 80s) flash me her breasts.
Allegedly it was to “change me,” at least that’s what she yelled to her table of
drunken octogenarian friends who cackled with delight at the sight of her flat
hanging breasts.
“Oh yeah, it changed me alright. It changed me for good.
Unfortunately, some things you can never un-see.”
I personally have called the police on at least five separate
occasions since I started working here. There have been fist fights, slap
fights, water fights, soda fights and pancake wars. I have had trays pulled out of my hands with
food on them. I have had someone try to help me by taking one glass off the
front of a full tray, not realizing it was going to flip in the air and cover
everyone at the table with sticky soda.
I have found my tip hidden in the ashtray, in left over food
on the plate, waded up in garbage and the ever-current popular way of leaving a
tip under a full glass of water. Yup, under water. Interested? Here’s how. Take
a full glass of water, drop in money, cover with a piece of cardboard, flip
over place on table, quickly removing cardboard. Viola! Water stays in glass
and forms a seal.
There is no way not to get soaked trying to get your money.
As a waiter at Denny’s I have been blessed, saved and prayed
for. I have been a shoulder to cry on, a friend to the friendless and a
punching bag to several drunk rednecks. I have been forced to answer to a snap
of the fingers, someone yelling garcon and to the cry “Hey Faggot.”
I have had food, drinks and ice cream thrown at me. I have
waited on little people dressed as superheroes and never even asked them once
“Why?”
I have served, smiled and choked down many snappy retorts or
comments that could get me beaten to death if I spoke my thoughts out loud.
And finally the topper on the cake, I have cleaned a full
smooshed up turd off of a toilet seat in the men’s room with a paper towel.
Yes, I can do it all.
You name it and I have seen it on the graveyard shift at
Denny’s.
This morning after my shift finishes, I find myself driving
home when I realize that I am in a foul mood and very short of patience.
To be continued…
Geoffrey Doig-Marx holds all written and electronic rights to his writing "A Day in the Life/Down the Rabbit Hole". It cannot be reprinted in part or whole without his written consent.
Geoffrey Doig-Marx holds all written and electronic rights to his writing "A Day in the Life/Down the Rabbit Hole". It cannot be reprinted in part or whole without his written consent.
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