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Monday, April 22, 2013

8 Balls and the House on Dana Part 5


Kim’s Mother and Stepfather live one town away from us and we visit them pretty often. This afternoon Kim’s cousin is getting married and we have to get going if we are going to make it on time. 

Currently Kim’s on the phone with her mother. The phone sits in the dining room but the cord is stretched as far as it can go. Kim is walking around the house, cigarette dangling out of the side of her mouth packing an overnight case.

Kim is a bridesmaid at her cousins wedding and the dress that Kim is supposed to be wearing is still on the hanger on the back of the bedroom door. I can hear Kim’s conversation with her mother about how hideous the dress is, and about how much she hates it.

The dress is a light violet, satin, floor length, sleeveless dress that was chosen to make everyone at the wedding focus on the bride. I agree with Kim, the dress is hideous but what‘s worse are the long white opera gloves that are supposed to be worn with it. I think that the bride really wanted the bridesmaids to just create a wall of Pink behind her.

Kim, standing at four feet something, looks like she is wearing a Barbie Dream Tent and the colors are right out of a My Pretty Pony cartoon. I am going with her but I am not part of the wedding party, I am Kim’s date. I bought a long black tail coat for today, it goes with my black pants, black jacket and black wrap around glasses. I have my hair Queen Helened to Heaven with just a blond strip hanging down over my eyes in homage to Duran Duran. At the last moment Kim’s cousin called Kim's Mother and requested that I don’t wear my tail coat because the groom plans on wearing one that he bought at the last minute. Kim and I agree that the Bride and Groom are unbelievably selfish. I have searched the house for another jacket that I can wear. Michael found a blue sports jacket hanging in his closet but he doesn't remember where he got it from. 

The coat sleeves are way too short for me and my arms hang a little below the cuff. I look ridiculous. Kim’s Mom suggests that maybe her husband has a nice camel colored jacket I can wear. The reason we are going to the wedding is to get free food and booze, the celebration of love is incidental to the trip. I no longer want to go and try to come up with an excuse, so I don’t have too.

It’s useless to try to get out of it and an hour later we are Kim’s Mothers house with our first drink in our hands. We have snuck it because Kim wanted to calm her nerves and Kim’s mother is a drink counter. Kim is not allowed to smoke in the house and we run outside every five minutes to smoke another one. Kim’s’ Mother is very sweet but is making Kim crazy. Every moment Kim’s Mom gets within five feet of her, she tsks and asks Kim “Whatever happened to my sweet girl?” By the time Kim and I get in the car with her parents, we have a strong buzz going on. We also have more liquor with us in a flask that we are carrying.

When we get to the wedding Kim finds the rest of the bridal party and runs off with them. I sit with Kim’s parents who ask me “When I am going to marry Kim?” Kim has told them a million times that I am gay but her parents think that I will change when I meet the right girl. Small talk with Kim’s Mom goes on about the benefits of marrying Kim. I just nod my head at the right times.

The wedding goes off without a hitch. Kim looks both beautiful and ridiculous in her Bridesmaid dress. Truth be told, all the bridesmaids look beautiful but ridiculous. There is a cocktail hour that starts right after the wedding and Kim and I move in to the reception to sit at a table. We have already had several cocktails from our flask by the time cocktail hour arrives. Kim and I choose screwdrivers. As I reach for the drinks the waiter brings us, I knock both of them off the tray and down the front of Kim’s dress. The Purple dress is unforgiving to the orange juice and vodka combination. In an hour the dress has dried but is now sticking straight out. It also features a giant stain but Kim and I could care less. We get poured back into the car by Kim’s Mother and driven home.

To be continued……


Geoffrey Doig-Marx holds all written and electronic rights to his writing "A Day in the Life". It can not be reprinted in part or whole without his written consent.


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